It seems in any class where you learn about Feminism, the professor always feels that the class must first address the stereotypes of Feminists first. It's a tiring routine but can be fun the first time you go through it and it's helpful to understand what a feminist is, and I GET it.
Now I am a feminist but I always get a bit annoyed at the Mrs. debate. I guess I can understand going against using Mrs. as your title, and even not accepting your husband's last name. Mrs. used to mean you clearly belonged to some one, yet a man is Mr. forever so no one ever knows if he's "taken" or not. I GET IT. I also understand keeping your name so you are still your own person while being married and you are still not "owned" by your husband. See, I GET IT.
But no one should preach to me about taking names or having my title be Ms. or Mrs. We live in an age now where we KNOW that by being married to a man he isn't owning us.
I don't want to rant too much, I just want to say I'm PROUD of being married to Mike and I think I show how proud and happy I am about it by wearing a right, by always being Mrs. Stauber.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I hope my wedding knows who I am.
It's no secret that in a little over a half a year, I will be married. Being engaged has brought on many emotions and questions that I have never thought of before. LIke, God I'm fucking old. Or picking out a dress, shoes, and trying to think of everyone's happiness on a day that I'm supposed to be selfish (something I don't think I really am, but you can think I am if you want). But one of the biggest things this wedding and it's planning has got me thinking is... who am I?
While I could easily say, oh I'm a 22 year old girl who loves reading, TV, and photography, it turns out I need more than that to plan a wedding that is truly "me." How an event is supposed to embody myself and Mike is BEYOND me. But we're trying. We are having the wedding in an old movie theater in Vallejo with a movie/photography theme and are having an easy going reception with movie theater food and just have a flippin' PARTY.
While that's been easy, I GUESS. Picking a wedding dress is another story. Apparently when you are not skinny the only thing a wedding dress for you needs to do is SLIM YOU. Forget all of that "Oh I want to feel like a princess and beautiful and like me. Well, if you are bigger than a dress size like... 8 maybe, FORGET all of that. Now it's all about making your waist smaller, boobs look bigger (to hide that nasty HUGE TUMMY!) and making you look skinny-oh I mean BEAUTIFUL! Instead of coming out of the room in your beautiful dress that your father will walk you down the aisle in and you will kiss your husband in, it's not "GASP YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL" it's "Oh! Look how tiny your waist looks!" Oh. Ok.
I dreaded going out and trying on wedding dresses and when I finally did it all of my concerns came true. "Oh you'll probably be a women's size", "We don't have this one in your size", "This one doesn't quite fit so I'll just hold it together", and my personal favorite "If I had your size I would have brought it out." And most importantly I felt ugly in all of them and not like me. In the end I wanted to try on a tea length dress and guess what NONE IN MY SIZE. Don't worry, I put it on anyway and she held it closed for me and I loved it. But still nothing my size. So the internet now will be my David's Bridal. Which by the way, fuck that place.
So HELLO INTERNET and HELLO TEA LENGTH dresses. So I guess that is who I am... at least who I will be on my wedding day.
While I could easily say, oh I'm a 22 year old girl who loves reading, TV, and photography, it turns out I need more than that to plan a wedding that is truly "me." How an event is supposed to embody myself and Mike is BEYOND me. But we're trying. We are having the wedding in an old movie theater in Vallejo with a movie/photography theme and are having an easy going reception with movie theater food and just have a flippin' PARTY.
While that's been easy, I GUESS. Picking a wedding dress is another story. Apparently when you are not skinny the only thing a wedding dress for you needs to do is SLIM YOU. Forget all of that "Oh I want to feel like a princess and beautiful and like me. Well, if you are bigger than a dress size like... 8 maybe, FORGET all of that. Now it's all about making your waist smaller, boobs look bigger (to hide that nasty HUGE TUMMY!) and making you look skinny-oh I mean BEAUTIFUL! Instead of coming out of the room in your beautiful dress that your father will walk you down the aisle in and you will kiss your husband in, it's not "GASP YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL" it's "Oh! Look how tiny your waist looks!" Oh. Ok.
I dreaded going out and trying on wedding dresses and when I finally did it all of my concerns came true. "Oh you'll probably be a women's size", "We don't have this one in your size", "This one doesn't quite fit so I'll just hold it together", and my personal favorite "If I had your size I would have brought it out." And most importantly I felt ugly in all of them and not like me. In the end I wanted to try on a tea length dress and guess what NONE IN MY SIZE. Don't worry, I put it on anyway and she held it closed for me and I loved it. But still nothing my size. So the internet now will be my David's Bridal. Which by the way, fuck that place.
So HELLO INTERNET and HELLO TEA LENGTH dresses. So I guess that is who I am... at least who I will be on my wedding day.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
friendship and disneyland
So I have a theory that really isn't new. And I'm not making this post to sound needy, desperate, depressing, or what have you. But it feels like to me, to initially make contact and friendships with people, it helps if you are attractive? At least skinny maybe? I'm not saying I'm ugly but I'm not saying I'm "attractive" either. And I'm not saying I'm a whale, but I'm also not a toothpick.
I think of this because I work at a place with LOADS of employees. Especially where I work, there's a lot of us working on a given day and we're constantly interacting which makes friendships easy to come by. But sometimes I feel pretty ignored and I seem to notice those who are making friends.
These people are outgoing, yes. But so am I. So I'm going to ignor>e this as a factor and keep going. There's a girl I work with, let's call her... Tracy. Tracy is young, skinny, beautiful. She is outgoing but I wouldn't say more so than I am. New managers or "leads" will remember her more, interact with her more. People (boys and girls, mostly boys) will start friendships with her, give hugs to her, and I'll literally be standing next to her and get MAYBE a head nod. If I'm lucky. Tracy is awesome, I don't hate her, but she is my prime example of my have to be attractive to initially make friends theory.
For the most part I don't think it's because the boys or girls in this situation want her. I mean she's attractive, but a lot of them have significant others so that's not what's happening here. So what is it? If you are just looking for friendship why not talk to the fat sarcastic chick in the corner?
Alright, that's ENOUGH of that. I went to Disneyland with my friend Amelia two days ago and had a great time. She is wonderful.
I think of this because I work at a place with LOADS of employees. Especially where I work, there's a lot of us working on a given day and we're constantly interacting which makes friendships easy to come by. But sometimes I feel pretty ignored and I seem to notice those who are making friends.
These people are outgoing, yes. But so am I. So I'm going to ignor>e this as a factor and keep going. There's a girl I work with, let's call her... Tracy. Tracy is young, skinny, beautiful. She is outgoing but I wouldn't say more so than I am. New managers or "leads" will remember her more, interact with her more. People (boys and girls, mostly boys) will start friendships with her, give hugs to her, and I'll literally be standing next to her and get MAYBE a head nod. If I'm lucky. Tracy is awesome, I don't hate her, but she is my prime example of my have to be attractive to initially make friends theory.
For the most part I don't think it's because the boys or girls in this situation want her. I mean she's attractive, but a lot of them have significant others so that's not what's happening here. So what is it? If you are just looking for friendship why not talk to the fat sarcastic chick in the corner?
Alright, that's ENOUGH of that. I went to Disneyland with my friend Amelia two days ago and had a great time. She is wonderful.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I just want to be cool.
I have been trying to find a blog with an author that is like me. I wanted to find their first post, see what is supposed to be said in the first post and try to do the same. Then I thought, well that sucks, I’ll just do what I want to do.
Also, I mostly failed and couldn’t find any first posts because I’m apparently blog stupid.
Anyway, I decided to make this first post all about me. Maybe my next post will be all about my fiancé. Then maybe about my dog. My job? I don’t know. Which reminds me, I don’t know what this blog will be about. I just want to write and I can’t do that on pen and paper and I obviously want attention because I’m broadcasting it on the internet.
My name is Ashley, middle name Janné. Really common first name, pretty sweet middle name. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those lucky few who go by their middle name. My dad does, however, he’s cool. Not really sure where my name comes from except I had a great aunt or something with the initials A.J. and that’s where the combo of names comes from. I don’t know, I figure my mom and a bunch of other moms got together in the late 80’s and said “Hey when we birth our daughters, let’s name them all Ashley so they always have to be Ashley (insert last name initial here)!” Awesome, mom.
I’m 22 years old. I’ve passed all of my milestones. 18 was pretty cool, I enjoyed my senior year of high school, I enjoyed the summer after I graduated high school and I still had a crazy dream that I wanted to be an actress. Turning 21 was uneventful but full of friends, but drinking really isn’t my thing unless there are free margaritas everywhere. And when does that happen? Never, that’s when. 22 has been great, I got engaged, worked at Disneyland, moved 400 miles away from home, got broke... I think 23 will rock, but I still have a few months to go.
I’m from Benicia, CA. Go wikipedia it. Or not, that’s fine. It’s California’s first state capital, small, full of empty or foreclosed beautiful homes, is on the San Francisco bay (but don’t go in the water... really, don’t) and has small town charm that I kind of miss. The possibility of seeing people from high school... I do not miss. It was near San Francisco and Berkeley, arguably the two best cities of all time. Monterey (about 1 1/2 hours south from Benicia) is a close third. I obviously love cities with lovely bay smells, the sounds of sea lions, weirdoes, the homeless, and the gay. Yup, that sounds about right.
I’m a part of a nuclear family. I have a mom, a dad (who are still together!), and a brother. Working class gone lower middle class. The home I grew up in is no longer under the ownership of my parents, but the bank owned it and now some one who painted it a different color and made a front yard garden sit in it. They sit in my memories, without the smell of dog and my parents’ mullets and my brother’s buck teeth and legos on the floor. Assholes. My parents moved (me too, since at the time I was in high school) and now we live in an older part of Benicia which is full of history and who knows what particles from the refinery that is viewable from my bedroom window.
Now I live on my own in Orange County. Yorba Linda, CA to be exact. I live here with my fiancé Mike, but more on him another day. I’ll tell you now though, he’s really amazing. Anyway, we moved here because I enjoy working at Disneyland (I should say used to but that is something no one cares about) and Mike wants to be in the movie industry and this is closer but still far and has resulted in no luck for him. Mike is a talented guy with no resources. Which I’m going to say is the reason why Rob Zombie makes movies and Mike doesn’t. Mike now is writing a script and it’s fucking hilarious so be on the look out. Orange County is drastically different then San Francisco. I’m going to say it’s more suckish. No offense to anyone who has grown up here, anyone who loves it, I just don’t. I’m sure you may hate San Francisco. It sure is pretty here, except for the sky. And the beaches are warm, not cold. The people are pretty, but are assholes. Plus, the most jerkish drivers I’ve ever shared the road with. Nicest drivers? Oregon. Thank God for the residents of Oregon, otherwise I think rape and murder would be taking over the world. To be honest I can’t wait to get back to the San Francisco area.
I go to school. I love school. I’ve been to four different schools and only have credit from two. Amazing, I know. I’ve been to Diablo Valley College, Academy of Art University, Orange Coast College, and Fullerton College. Fullerton College is beautiful and my favorite. So if we can put Fullerton College in the middle of San Francisco I would never get out of school. I’m four or five years out of high school and maybe am a quarter done with my college career. There was a point where I couldn’t concentrate on school because I was lazy, unappreciative, young, and stupid. Then when I had to start working all the time, I realized I missed school. I do love school and now that I’m back into it, it’s true. I do. I may or may not get my masters. I think that’s more of a financial decision when that time comes, but that gives you an idea of how much I love school. I’m hoping to get into San Francisco State, San Jose State, Cal State East Bay, or Cal State Monterey Bay in a year or two. Why am I going to school? I like it and I want to be a Kindergarten teacher. And well, being a Kindergarten teacher, unfortunately, is one of those careers where a Bachelor’s Degree is a must (along with teacher credentials) and I can’t get one at a 2 year technical college. DAMNIT.
I like stuff and have hobbies. I like watching TV, something about the noise... I can’t live without. Also, I do watch shows sometimes. I enjoy The Office, probably my favorite show right now. I also watch iCarly, a show aimed at tweens that also appeals to me for some reason. I casually watch How I Met Your Mother, if you watch closely Mike and I are in that show, can you guess who we are? I’m also anticipating Glee. I like movies, mostly of the Disney variety and by that I mean the Disney variety I grew up with so 1995 and below. I also enjoy love stories that don’t make me vomit like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Juno. And anything quirky and that makes me look cool like Little Miss Sunshine and Fight Club. I enjoy photography and if I could make a living out of it I would, but I’m not that great and don’t have the abundance of time to take classes. I love it though so buy me camera stuff, thanks. I love grocery shopping, being at Target, eating out with friends, playing fun video games, and exploring the internet. Music is cool but I wouldn’t say I’m like most cultured humans and LOVE it. I enjoy vocal standards, jazz, Elvis, The Beatles, and music that makes me look cool like Rilo Kiley, Vampire Weekend, etc. You get it. I like reading and writing and out of all my hobbies that is the one that is lacking in my life. Hence this blog... maybe.
I guess that’s it. I will talk to you another time, another day, whatever. I don’t know. I still don’t know what this is. If you want to know, stick around.
Also, I mostly failed and couldn’t find any first posts because I’m apparently blog stupid.
Anyway, I decided to make this first post all about me. Maybe my next post will be all about my fiancé. Then maybe about my dog. My job? I don’t know. Which reminds me, I don’t know what this blog will be about. I just want to write and I can’t do that on pen and paper and I obviously want attention because I’m broadcasting it on the internet.
My name is Ashley, middle name Janné. Really common first name, pretty sweet middle name. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those lucky few who go by their middle name. My dad does, however, he’s cool. Not really sure where my name comes from except I had a great aunt or something with the initials A.J. and that’s where the combo of names comes from. I don’t know, I figure my mom and a bunch of other moms got together in the late 80’s and said “Hey when we birth our daughters, let’s name them all Ashley so they always have to be Ashley (insert last name initial here)!” Awesome, mom.
I’m 22 years old. I’ve passed all of my milestones. 18 was pretty cool, I enjoyed my senior year of high school, I enjoyed the summer after I graduated high school and I still had a crazy dream that I wanted to be an actress. Turning 21 was uneventful but full of friends, but drinking really isn’t my thing unless there are free margaritas everywhere. And when does that happen? Never, that’s when. 22 has been great, I got engaged, worked at Disneyland, moved 400 miles away from home, got broke... I think 23 will rock, but I still have a few months to go.
I’m from Benicia, CA. Go wikipedia it. Or not, that’s fine. It’s California’s first state capital, small, full of empty or foreclosed beautiful homes, is on the San Francisco bay (but don’t go in the water... really, don’t) and has small town charm that I kind of miss. The possibility of seeing people from high school... I do not miss. It was near San Francisco and Berkeley, arguably the two best cities of all time. Monterey (about 1 1/2 hours south from Benicia) is a close third. I obviously love cities with lovely bay smells, the sounds of sea lions, weirdoes, the homeless, and the gay. Yup, that sounds about right.
I’m a part of a nuclear family. I have a mom, a dad (who are still together!), and a brother. Working class gone lower middle class. The home I grew up in is no longer under the ownership of my parents, but the bank owned it and now some one who painted it a different color and made a front yard garden sit in it. They sit in my memories, without the smell of dog and my parents’ mullets and my brother’s buck teeth and legos on the floor. Assholes. My parents moved (me too, since at the time I was in high school) and now we live in an older part of Benicia which is full of history and who knows what particles from the refinery that is viewable from my bedroom window.
Now I live on my own in Orange County. Yorba Linda, CA to be exact. I live here with my fiancé Mike, but more on him another day. I’ll tell you now though, he’s really amazing. Anyway, we moved here because I enjoy working at Disneyland (I should say used to but that is something no one cares about) and Mike wants to be in the movie industry and this is closer but still far and has resulted in no luck for him. Mike is a talented guy with no resources. Which I’m going to say is the reason why Rob Zombie makes movies and Mike doesn’t. Mike now is writing a script and it’s fucking hilarious so be on the look out. Orange County is drastically different then San Francisco. I’m going to say it’s more suckish. No offense to anyone who has grown up here, anyone who loves it, I just don’t. I’m sure you may hate San Francisco. It sure is pretty here, except for the sky. And the beaches are warm, not cold. The people are pretty, but are assholes. Plus, the most jerkish drivers I’ve ever shared the road with. Nicest drivers? Oregon. Thank God for the residents of Oregon, otherwise I think rape and murder would be taking over the world. To be honest I can’t wait to get back to the San Francisco area.
I go to school. I love school. I’ve been to four different schools and only have credit from two. Amazing, I know. I’ve been to Diablo Valley College, Academy of Art University, Orange Coast College, and Fullerton College. Fullerton College is beautiful and my favorite. So if we can put Fullerton College in the middle of San Francisco I would never get out of school. I’m four or five years out of high school and maybe am a quarter done with my college career. There was a point where I couldn’t concentrate on school because I was lazy, unappreciative, young, and stupid. Then when I had to start working all the time, I realized I missed school. I do love school and now that I’m back into it, it’s true. I do. I may or may not get my masters. I think that’s more of a financial decision when that time comes, but that gives you an idea of how much I love school. I’m hoping to get into San Francisco State, San Jose State, Cal State East Bay, or Cal State Monterey Bay in a year or two. Why am I going to school? I like it and I want to be a Kindergarten teacher. And well, being a Kindergarten teacher, unfortunately, is one of those careers where a Bachelor’s Degree is a must (along with teacher credentials) and I can’t get one at a 2 year technical college. DAMNIT.
I like stuff and have hobbies. I like watching TV, something about the noise... I can’t live without. Also, I do watch shows sometimes. I enjoy The Office, probably my favorite show right now. I also watch iCarly, a show aimed at tweens that also appeals to me for some reason. I casually watch How I Met Your Mother, if you watch closely Mike and I are in that show, can you guess who we are? I’m also anticipating Glee. I like movies, mostly of the Disney variety and by that I mean the Disney variety I grew up with so 1995 and below. I also enjoy love stories that don’t make me vomit like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Juno. And anything quirky and that makes me look cool like Little Miss Sunshine and Fight Club. I enjoy photography and if I could make a living out of it I would, but I’m not that great and don’t have the abundance of time to take classes. I love it though so buy me camera stuff, thanks. I love grocery shopping, being at Target, eating out with friends, playing fun video games, and exploring the internet. Music is cool but I wouldn’t say I’m like most cultured humans and LOVE it. I enjoy vocal standards, jazz, Elvis, The Beatles, and music that makes me look cool like Rilo Kiley, Vampire Weekend, etc. You get it. I like reading and writing and out of all my hobbies that is the one that is lacking in my life. Hence this blog... maybe.
I guess that’s it. I will talk to you another time, another day, whatever. I don’t know. I still don’t know what this is. If you want to know, stick around.
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